3.13.2011

Finding my.....passion?

Its the catch phrase offered up by every life coach and O magazine cover..... find your passion! Follow your passion. I admit, I have been sucked in more than once. It sounds so exciting and so pleasant. What could be better than a career, a part-time job, a hobby or life centered around what you are most passionate about. Delicious as it seems at first, it is one of those concepts that sours quickly in your mouth. My biggest problem, I am not really sure what mine is. I like to think that I am in tune with myself, so why does posing this question make my stomach a little queasy. Can I choose only one? Am really passionate about anything. Soon I find my self in the clutches of despair and self-doubt. That nasty little bad jill on my shoulder ever so sweetly whispers "you are not really good at anything"...."You will never find your passion." Just when my world starts to spin out, a little girl missing two front teeth comes prancing in the room asking me to do a project with her. Then I get a phone call from my sister and laugh so hard I wet my pants a little. Later I make the best Thai basil curry anyone has ever tasted. Before I fall asleep I read a few pages of one of my favorite poetry books ever, words so beautiful I cry every time. The next morning my shiny new magazine with alluring catch phrase goes straight into the garbage can along with several self-help books. This is my honest and somewhat painful conclusion, passionate is not a word that fits anywhere in my life. I am okay with that though, I have a few loves, plenty of laughs, lots of happy. From now on my plan is to catch myself in the act of being happy, and then keep on doing that.

3 comments:

  1. Dearest Daughter -
    You are passionate about being the best wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend there ever was or could be. What greater talent is there? Love Mom

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  2. Amen and amen! You once again say the things I am thinking but in a more eloquent and complete way.
    It looks like we need to take a trip to learn about how to be passionate. Anywhere good come to mind? ;)

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  3. The benefit of having older wiser sisters is that just when I am struggling with problems one of them says something (or in this case blogs something) that is just what I need to hear. Jillybean you are passionate. You care so intensely and it is one of your best qualities. If that's not passionate, what is? On that note I like your idea of trying to catch yourself as you're happy and repeating. :)

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